Jess’ Complaint

… and then one day I had enough. Sure, I knew that school, work, and relationships weren’t for me, despite what they say.  And I wasn’t cynical about it. Something deeper had become clear.

That my devices were becoming my reality, the venue for my consciousness, was true, but it wasn’t generational. It wasn’t something new to my generation. Dawning in me is an awareness of ages, an awareness of the many generations participating in their age and how one age gives birth to another.  But neither generations nor ages rise as mere copies of what went before.  Both have their own tasks to find.  Sure, I feel something unique in my own generation in the way that my consciousness can sink into devices. Still, I feel in many ways that this is only surface illusion. Rather, I feel that my new device consciousness is the culmination of an age.   More than twenty generations, it has taken, to divorce me from my living companion, planet Earth, and to create a condition of consciousness where I want, instead, to live in device worlds.  It began when new generations were taught that their planet was alien to them, that the objective world had long ago divorced itself from their subjective hopes and strivings.  That’s when school, work, and relationships all became about accommodating to the “objective world,” code for world divorced from me, rather than being about growing together, in knowledge and love, with the Earth.  Those who have furthered it would call this the age of objectivity, but I would call it the age of my divorce from living reality, the Modern World Game ending here in my device worlds.

It took generations on generations to develop the divorced consciousness that provides the foundation for the Modern World Game.  Now, what I call “my thoughts,” “my feelings,” and “my work” are products of the game.  There is no longer a self-existent “me” outside of the game.  Now, I and my generation do not have the experience of living with a planet that we know and love. And like my generation, my sense of having my own being-ness, my sense that I “was” because I could doubt what others said, that I could think my own thoughts, this kind of being-ness was just an intellectual by-product of playing the Modern World Game.  Modern life was an agreement to play by the rules of the game and to settle for a self that was only a passive subjective product.

The most important rule: forget that it’s a game. Then I can believe in autonomy while not knowing that this autonomy measures my acceptance of my divorce from the Earth. Only then do I also believe that there is reality in “my thoughts,” “my work” and “my feelings.” This was my clarity.  All those who played the Modern World Game, myself included, all who learned what was said and done, who then learned to doubt it, and to, finally, “think for themselves,” to re-posit “their own” version of what is, were not.

On that day began my longing to become . . . . Not just to become within the Modern World Game, but to really become in a way where my planet, though objectivized, reunites with my subjective being-ness. Where my reality will be a unified becoming with my planet.

I had this thought–if this thing we call reality is a game, then maybe games, played out in device worlds, could become more than games, could become Aporias for finding reality where objectivity and subjectivity can unite. Perhaps players can discover, in Aporia device worlds, a consciousness capable of knowing and loving a whole planet.  One that begins by superseding time and place.  One that no longer lives only within passive subjectivities in ethnocentric cultures, nor even just in generations, but rather in whole ages and in the great swings of time as ages pass into other ages.  Here is the beginning of a new consciousness that has the capacity to unite with a planetary perspective. Perhaps here, in device worlds, players can discover a start for a planetary perspective. What would it mean to master time, to become a time-being rather than to be mere object forever swept along, amongst and within, the great time-currents. Then, perhaps, players can venture to ask in a new way, from the breadth of perspective of time-beings, about the objects with which we live: what is, really, “flower,” why does blue complement red, how does heat, magician of form, transform crystal to vapor, or how does tone manifest its revelation of feeling out of mere oscillation?  Can players be helped to take hold of reality in this new way in device worlds?